A Tale of Two Sues
by E-Dog to the MAX
Summary: Yet another parody about Mary Sues. Now with love heptagon!


**A/N: I don't own Naruto, or the characters of Naruto. If I did, why would on a website called was a picture perfect day in Konoha. The leaves on all the trees were a deep, vibrant green. The sky was a perfect shade of light blue, and was specked with just a few wispy looking clouds. The sun shed a golden light on the Hokage monument, and all the mountains and hills. Honestly, it was just a breathtaking.**

Of course, it was definitely not as breathtaking as Sakura. In fact, nothing was as beautiful as Sakura. Ever.

That being said, our heroine woke up that morning with a hearty yawn. After completing her morning routine of such and such, she made her way out the door to her weekly lesson with Tsunade. Of course, it was more of a lesson for Tsunade now since Sakura had become an elite, skilled, crazy awesome, ninja. At the young age of 15, she was probably the most powerful ninja ever. Lol.

As she walked to Tsunade's office, she got all kinds of catcalls and whistles from guys. Sakura sighed. It was tough having almost every guy in Konoha in love with you. Oh, sometimes her unimaginably ravishing looks were such a curse. Silently angsting to herself, Sakura walked up to her destination.

Sakura enjoyed spending time with Tsunade, who was like a mother figure now. You see, everyone in Sakura's family had died of some obscure disease. Everyone, except her. In fact, by this tragic encounter Sakura had gotten all sorts of new, nifty skills. Also, now Sakura could connect with her teammates for she too had a tragic past and such. Although she was in a deep, raging period of melancholy, she decided to channel all these negative feelings towards her work.

This, my friends, is how Sakura discovered and amazing jutsu only she had enough power to control. This unique jutsu gave her power to use advanced bloodlines. She had Sharigan, Byakugan, even the bloodlines of minor characters she never talked to or even met. She didn't use the Aburame one because that was just gross. Eww, bugs!

With her time with Tsunade spent, Sakura was on her way to the ramen stand. She was on her way to meeting Naruto for dinner, when she heard someone call her name. I mean, she heard her name called a lot of course, but this person was important to the plot. So shut up.

"Sakura..." The voice called again. Sakura knew whom the voice belonged to now, and her vibrant, gorgeous, emerald eyes registered shock. Her perfect lips made a small gasping noise.

"Sasuke, What are you doing here?" Sakura's voice quivered. It didn't do that a lot.

"Oh Sakura. I love you endlessly and I'm eternally yours. I realize that your blissful persona is more important than any power at all. I love you!"

"Oh, Sasuke!" said Sakura who was like really happy! Omg!

As they were about to touch lips in a traditional scene of affection, an exuberant young man in green spandex interrupted them. No, seriously take a guess at whom he was. "No Sakura!" He called out, "He's only going to hurt you again! I love you more than him or any other man, and will always be there for you! Youth!"

Sasuke and Lee were about to fight to the death, when they were interrupted by another male character that was in love with Sakura. This one was Neji.

"I love you Sakura. It is our fate to be together. I just know it." Neji said. Lee and Sasuke glared at him.

Then Shikamaru found her and thus started the routine. "Sakura, you are the smartest person I've ever met, even including me. I love you, and was wondering if you'd be my girlfri-"

Suddenly Sasuke's smokin' hawt, badass older brother appeared! "Sakura darling," He started "Even though we've never spoken have watched you all the time and fallen in love with you somehow. Run away with me and join the Akatsuki!"

Then, as if you haven't had enough of this, 2 more suitors arrived. These ones were Gaara and Kankuro. Gaara went up to Sakura.

"Sakura, only you could understand my pain and angst, which is why I'm mad in love with you."

And Kankuro just stood around admiring Sakura and her flawlessness, for he wasn't good enough for her. Oh, woe is him.

Sakura looked around at all her suitors and didn't know what to do. Thoughts raced through her head. However, her thoughts were interrupted once again, except this time was by a beautiful girl with tears welling in her eyes.

"SASUKE! ITACHI! GAARA! NEJI! SHIKAMARU! KANKURO! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" The girl sobbed. The girl was exceptionally beautiful, and thus her physical appearance will be described in the greatest of detail.

Her hair was many colors. It was black, but it also had a tint of red. Her dazzling locks also held blonde, purple, and silver strands of hair amidst her ebony mass. This was all oddly natural. Her hair was also long and had flowed, even though there was no wind that day. Like, no wind at all.

Her eyes were also multi-colors, and changed according to mood. They were brown when calm, green when happy, blue when sad, silver when lonely. Now, they were gold to represent her anger and frustration. Her eyes always shimmered with youth and innocence but they also reflected a sense of maturity and wisdom. Thick, black lashes that were already perfectly curled, accented them perfectly.

Her porcelain skin had a vibrant glow to it, and it was blemish free. Her lips were shiny and sparkly, and yet were sort of matte. Her high cheekbones had a light pink blush to them and it perfectly accented her small, perfect nose.

All in all, she was beautiful and perfect and whatever.

Getting back to the story, the girl was full out sobbing now. This only accented her beauty further. "You all said I was your one and only true love." She was like, so angry! This is why she lunged at Sakura.

Sakura easily dodged her attack. Although the girl was thrown back violently, naught a scratch appeared. The girl narrowed her vibrant eyes and glared at Sakura.

"You stole my 6 true loves! Because of that I'm going to have to release the power of the 64 tailed unicorn demon my evil father sealed in me!" Sakura was all like "Oh no!" Except she didn't say it out loud, because she didn't want to admit that she was afraid.

The fight continued and there was no clear winner or loser. Everyone was hanging on their metaphorical seats, watching the exciting ordeal. This went on for quite awhile until Shikamaru was tapped on the shoulder.

"Whas gohig ah?" said a less-perfect Sakura with a mouthful of banana.

Shikamaru looked at her briefly, then back at the battle. Then her. Then the battle again. Finally he raised an eyebrow and said, "You're Sakura, aren't you?"

"Well, duh." She said while swallowing the banana.

"So, who exactly is that?" he asked, pointing to the other Sakura.

"My cannon-sue counterpart." she replied throwing the banana IN THE TRASH. She went over to her perfect persona. They argued briefly, and then the canon-sue left. The real Sakura took her place in the fray.

Unfortunately, no cannon character has won a battle against a Mary Sue in the history of ever. Sakura soon became a steaming heap on the ground. In fact, so was every Naruto character, past, present or future. The whole Naruverse was wrecked just because of a simple Sue.

The ravishing, tormented girl was guilt wrenched, of course. She went of to the Lord of the Rings universe to angst and have a passionate affair with Legolas. Yum!

The moral of this story, you see, is that nothing good comes from a Sue, whether it is a Mary Sue, a Cannon Sue, or a Gary Sue. And thus this story comes to an end.


End file.
